• 7:50pm: Getting ready for the show to start!  Got my popcorn and soda and am curling up on the couch.  This should be good.  I can’t wait to see Britney get her Lifetime Achievement Award.  She totally deserves it, she looks better than ever and her career is booming.

• 8:00pm: Wow, they’re stating the show with a press conference between the President of the United States, Barack Obama and the Jonas Brothers!  The Joe asks the Prez if he thinks Robert Pattinson is better looking than him.  Hilarious.  This is a great skit, but come on, let’s get on with the show!  The opening is awesome!  They really went all out.  I’m excited to see what Britney Spears, Megan Fox and Kristen Bell are wearing.  Whoa, and performances by The Black Eyed Peas, Miley Cyrus and Sean Kingston.

• 8:05pm: The Jonas Brothers open the show by playing their song “Much Better.”  The crowd went wild over them!  The camera pans to Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, he looks extremely cute.  George Lopez is introduced to hand out the first award, as well as recieve the first award for Favorite Comedian.  He’s about to give out the award for Choice TV Actor & Actress.  The winners were Gossip Girl stars Chase Crawford and Leighton Meister.  Leighton looks adorable in her striped dress and bright red shoes!  Man, she is beautiful.   They also announced the winner of Teen Choice TV Drama for Gossip Girl!

• 8:10pm: The stars of iCarly give a shout out to Twitter before their intro into their award for best celeb Twitter user!  The award goes to Ellen Degeneres!  She happened to be recording the entire moment on her Flip camera and most likely posting it on her Twitter.  And don’t forget to add Amp Radio on Twitter.

• 8:20pm: Jordin Sparks takes the stage in a super cute strapless baby blue dress.  The red nail polish is a nice splash of color.  She’s introducing a segment called Dare The Jonas Brothers! They have fans of the Jonas Brothers send in videos for the trio to complete.  However, which dares they’ll end up doing aren’t told to us yet.  LAME!   Jordin segue ways into introducing the next presenters High School Musical stars Ashley Tisdale and Corbin Bleu.  Ashley and Corbin are presenting the award for Teen Choice Movie Actor In A Comedy.  Their friend Zac Efron wins for his performance in 17 Again!  He also wins awards for Actor Music or Dance for High School Musical:  Senior Year, as well as an award for Teen Choice Rock Star Moment for 17 Again!  Wow, he’s really racking up the points here.  I suppose that’s how it goes when you’re adorable and young in Hollywood.  He seems super gracious, which is nice.  I guess I couldn’t hate him even if I wanted to.  I suppose that’s why Megan Fox said he’d taste like a yummy strawberry cupcake.  I think she’s totally right.

• 8:26pm: The cast of Fox’s Glee introduces one of the nominees for summer song Sean Kington singing “Fire Burning.”  Wow, this is a super tight performance.  It looks like the people at the TCAs really went all out to impress this year.  My favorite were the dancers doing the back flips at the beginning of the performance.  What about you guys?

• 8:35pm: Back from probably the longest commercial break in history, we get the first of the dares to the Jonas Brothers, Joe is asked to have his hair cut on stage.  At first I think they’re joking but then they bring out former Heavy Weight Champion of the World and co-star of the summer hit The Hangover Iron Mike Tyson.  And Tyson starts chopping away at pieces of Joe’s hair!  Check out the video:
• 8:37pm: After the shock of watching Joe Jonas get his hair butchered in front of a live studio audience, Emma Roberts and Hayden Panettiere take the stage to dish out more awards.  However, before they set up for their awards Emma announces that Hayden won two Teen Choice Awards once for Choice Actress In A TV Action/Adventure for her role in the NBC show Heros and Choice Activist calling Hayden, “A hero in real life too.”  I think that’s a total stretch, but I have never been a big fan of Hayden.  Also, why does it look like she’s wearing an ugly pink curtain?  Bloated much? They’re about to hand out the Choice Fresh Face Awards for the best newcomers Male & Female.  The awards go to Twilight stars Taylor Lautner and Ashley Greene!  I have still never seen that movie and I’ll probably go to my grave without watching it, but that Taylor Lautner kid is adorable with a capital Kiss Me!  They’re both talking a lot and I can’t stop thinking about what’s going to happen with Joe Jonas’ hair.  I cannot believe I am worried for him.

• 8:40pm: My DVR goes insane and tries to make me start watching the show from the start!  Uh, technical difficulties plague me guys so forgive the lag while I try to catchup.  Teen Choice Sidekick, Emily Osment and some chick I have never heard of before join each other on stage to hand out a bunch of miscellaneous awards that they won’t have time for.  This is like the forgetmenot categories.  So sad!  Teen Choice Summer Movie for Action Adventure film is Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Teen Choice Summer Movie for a Comedy is UP!, and for Teen Choice Summer Movie for Romance is The Proposal.  I think I have nothing in common with teens.  I haven’t seen any of those films.  Uh, when did I get old?  Teen Choice Summer Movie Star for Transformers:  Revenge of the Fallen is Shia LeBeouf, I have seen that movie, so I guess I am not that old anymore.  PHEW!  Teen Choice Female Breakout Star for Television is Demi Levato, Teen Choice Male Breakout Star for Television is Frankie Jonas.  He does not look like his brothers at all.  He looks like the kid from Spy Kids.  Yea, that’s exactly who he looks like.  He tries talking into the mic and is too small so they have to lean it over for him.  Hilarious.

• 8:50: After another marathon of commercials we’re back, Gossip Girl stars Kristen Bell and Ed Westwick take the stage to announce that Ed’s won Teen Choice TV Villain for the second year in a row.  He certainly knows how to play a bad guy even if he seems totally harmless and nice on stage.  Together they announce My Sister’s Keeper as the the winner of Teen Choice Summer Movie Drama.  Cameron Diaz looks super hot in her Alexander McQueen dress.  Man, is she getting better looking as she gets older?

• 8:52pm: These minutes are going by slower than anything I have ever experienced.  I think it’s cause I keep having to pause and type stuff up.  Secret Life Of An American Teenager stars Shailene Woodley and Daren Kagasoff hit the stage next, Daren is the winner of Teen Choice Summer Male TV Star.  They announce the fact that Miley Cyrus won awards in all three categories.  She’s won awards as a TV Star, a Musician and a Movie Star.  It’s the first time this has ever happened in the same year.  Yippie for her. She won for Teen Choice Music Single for her song The Climb, Teen Choice for Hissy Fit for her movie Hannah Montana:  The Movie, Choice Movie Actress Music & Dance for her performance in Hannah Montana:  The Movie, Choice Movie Actress for Television Comedy for her role in Hannah Montana, and Choice Song of the Summer for her song Before The Storm.  I don’t think I’ve ever written Hannah Montana so much in one sentence in my life ever.  After that Miley performed her new song “Party In The U.S.A.”  She certainly dances like she’s been working a pole for years.  That’s all I have to say about that.

• 9:03pm: Thankfully the commercial breaks are long enough so that I can do stuff like use the bathroom.  Now Alexis Bledel and Zach Gilford take the stage to announce some more awards.   Man, she is BEAUTIFUL.  I love her dress and I like the florescent orange day-glo shoes matched with it.  They’re giving out the Teen Choice Female Summer TV Star.  I really want Anna Paquin to win for her role in True Blood.  Are children even allowed to watch that?  Selena Gomez steals the show by winning for her performance in Princess Protection Program.  She’s also accepting the award for Choice Summer TV Show for Princess Protection Program as well as being the winner of Red Carpet Fashion Icon for Females.  Wow, I have nothing in common with teens, I’d probably give that award to Lady Gaga for being daring.

• 9:05pm: Dane Cook takes the stage.  The first thing he does is try to be funny.  This is where I virtually roll my eyes.  He hands out the awards for Choice Hotties Male/Female which easily goes to Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox.  Megan Fox looks smokin’ hot and Robert Pattinson looks confused and like he needs a good scrub down.

• 9:10pm: Kevin is dared to get a tattoo live on stage.  Oh man, this is going to be good.  They introduce Kat Von D from LA Ink, she’s dyed her hair blonde and looks like a zombie.  UGH!  They’re saying that Kat is going to tattoo the face of the next Teen Choice winner on Kevin Jonas’ arm.  Then the break for commercial.

• 9:15pm: The Black Eyed Peas take the stage and perform their mega hit I Gotta Feeling.  They’re riding surf boards and dangling from strings.  Man, Fergie can really sing great live.  She looks so great, I wasn’t sure I’d like her as brunette but man she looks awesome!  I like Will.I.Am all in white while everyone else is wearing black.  After their performance they are presented with the award for Teen Choice Music: Rap/Hip-Hop Track for their song Boom Boom Pow.
• 9:20pm: Marlon Wayans and Teen Choice Movie Actress Action/Adventure winner Jordana Brewster for her film Fast and the Furious, take the podium.  Jordana looks smoking in a white Herve Lerger dress.  They give the award for Teen Choice Movie Actor in an Action/Adventure to Hugh Jackman for his role in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.  Kevin Jonas comes out sporting a really bad fake tattoo of Hugh Jackman.  The entire world laughs at him.

• 9:29pm: The Jonas Brothers finally annouce the final dare for their little brother Nick.  They’re saying it’s going to be dangerous, but I doubt that.  His dare is to hug as many fans as he can.  I want to die.

• 9:31pm: Miley Cyrus takes the stage to present Britney Spears her Teen Choice Lifetime Achievement Award.  She’s talking a lot about Britney’s huge achievements and her comeback.  There were so many amazing things that Britney’s done I could barely keep up, but it sort of looked like Britney snubbed Miley when she came on stage and ripped the surfboard out of Miley’s hands.  Probably Britney was just super excited to finally have her award!

• 9:41pm: House actress Jennifer Morrison and band Honor Society take the mic to give us a rundown of the awards that haven’t been presented yet.  This one’s going to be a doozey!  The Teen Choice R&B Artist goes to Beyonce.  Of course it goes to her, who else would it go to?  The Teen Choice Rock Act is Paramore.  The Choice Male Artist goes to Jason Mraz and Choice Female Artist goes to Taylor Swift.  The Choice Breakout Artist goes to David Archuleta, once again proving that coming in as second runner up on American Idol guarantees a bigger career than the actual winner.  They also annouced a totally new award the Teen Choice Fab-U-lous, apparently it is an award for being the best gay male, which went to Miss Jay from America’s Next Top Model.

• 9:44pm: Hottie Josh Duhmel takes the stage and I swoon.  He goes home to Fergie at the end of the day and I am jealous of both of them for entire different reasons.  He presents all the awards that go to Twilight and there are a ton:  Teen Choice Movie: Drama, Teen Choice Music: Soundtrack, Teen Choice Movie Liplock: Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson (like nobody saw that one coming), Teen Choice Movie Actor for a Drama: Robert Pattinson, Teen Choice Movie Fresh Face Male: Taylor Lautner, Teen Choice Movie Actress In A Drama: Kristen Stewart, Teen Choice Movie Fresh Faced Female: Ashley Greene, Teen Choice Male Hottie: Robert Pattinson, Teen Choice Movie Villan: Cam Gigandet, Teen Choice Movie Rumble:  Robert Pattinson vs. Cam Gigandet, Teen Choice Movie Romanace: Twilight.  I didn’t think one movie could win so many awards.  After that the stars of Twilight got on stage and teen girls all over the world swooned in unison.  No, really, I am pretty sure I could hear them from my place in LA.  Also, let me reiterate, this Taylor Lautner kid is adorable.

• 9:52pm: The show’s almost over. Kim Kardashian and Teen Choice for Female Athlete Shawn Johnson take the stage.  They’re announcing the FIVE awards that the Jonas Brothers collect to take home:  Teen Choice TV Breakout Show: Jonas, Teen Choice TV Actor in a Comedy, Teen Choice Red Carpet Fashion Icon Male, Teen Choice Music Album for a Group: Lines, Vines & Trying Times, Choice Song of the Summer: Before The Storm.

•  9:55pm: The Jonas Brothers take the stage for a third time.  They start by thanking their audience and fans and then say they’re going to play another song from their new album.  The trio and their backup band play out the awards show.  All in all it was a pretty good awards show with a few surprises and a few non-surprises, like Twilight winning a million awards.  Check out our photo coverage here.

Top 5 Favorite Delectable Desserts To Feed An Insatiable Sweet Tooth (om nom nom…)

5. Chocolate Mousse. *drool*

4. Pie. Seriously, who doesn’t like pie??

3. Green Tea Tiramisu/Cheesecake/Ice Cream/Anything!

2. Strawberry Shortcake with fresh whipped cream.

1. David Beckham A La Mode. Yum! ;D

Sabrina

Sabrina’s written all sorts of things.  Somethings her parents might be proud of, but most of them not.  Happily, she does not really care either way what they think.  She keeps a blog called Nymphomania or Narcolepsy 2.0.  Her major goals for 2009 are obtaining a retina scanner and working from a claw foot bathtub.  Oh, and she is awesome.

Top 5 Ways To Get Revenge

1. Post flyers around the area your subject lives accompanied by a photo.  Have them say something like, “As seen on ‘To Catch A Predator’ join Bert and friends at his Welcome Home Party!”
2. Get into their cellphone and go to language settings–change the language from English to Japanese.
3. Place their name, number and photo in an online ad looking for Casual Encounters.  Make sure you request something odd like an amputee and a fan belt.  Then forward the ad to everyone they know.
4. Steal their remote controls while they’re drunk.  Nothing says terrible hangover like having to get up and change the channel yourself.
5. Build a jungle in their room.  Spread a cup of alfalfa seeds in their carpet and then poor a half a glass of water on that.  If the weather’s cold turn on the heater and watch science happen.

I grew up in a run-down orphanage for girls. That’s where I learned how to clean floors, charm secretaries, and taunt the mean drunk lady who ran the place. Loves: lockets, red dresses, Indian mystics, singing and dancing, and shaggy hobo dogs. Hates: hard knock living. I got adopted by a rich, bald man, bounced the hell outta the orphanage and got to hang with the President. Oh wait…

5 Things that won’t cover up the fact you left your house wearing sweat pants.

5. Coach bag or fancy sunglasses. Just because you paid a lot of money for those things does not mean that you put any sort of effort into not looking like a hobo.
4. McDonald’s bag. You can’t hide behind a McNugget.
3. Crocs! They are not helping your cause, but certainly will add authenticity to your slothlike ensemble.
2. Ed Hardy tee shirt. See number five.
1. Team jersey. By combining sweat pants and a jersey of your favorite sports team you are instantly closing yourself off from a percentage of society who will never sleep with you based on the fact that you would leave your house in an outfit normally reserved for an afternoon spent fondling the remote, eating beef by-products, and not showering.

• Must Watch TV:
  30 Rock
  It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (when in season)
  Housewives of NYC and The Amazing Race