Dear Orlando,

Two of my best friends are a couple. For the purpose of this letter I’ll call them ‘John’ and ‘Jane.’ We’ve known each other since college and I love them both dearly but they drive me crazy by always canoodling everywhere we go. For example, they’ll be like “Come over for a movie!” and then I’ll go over and we’ll watch a movie only to have them snuggling and making out the whole time. They also like to make out at the bar which is really annoying, especially if it’s just me and them. They like hanging out with me, but always manage to make me feel like a third wheel. Their constant making out grosses me out, what should I do?

Yours,

I Hate My Friends

Dear Hater,

You need to limit the alone time you spend with these people. Obviously, they are good friends so you don’t want to cut them out of your life. But you shouldn’t put yourself in a position where you feel like an unnecessary member of the group. If they invite you over to watch a movie, bring a friend. That way, you and the friend can make fun of them later without them ever knowing you find their makeout sessions disgusting. If they start making out in a bar, walk away and pretend like you’re going to use the restroom to throw up. Repeat this every time they start making out. This might help them get the hint that their constant canoodling makes you wanna barf. You could also try being direct with them and telling them it makes you uncomfortable when they are overtly intimate in front of you, but that would be way less fun than your other more creative options.

Love,

Orlando