Dear Orlando,

This guy I’ve been hanging out with keeps giving me mixed signals. When we’re together, he’s totally into me and gives me his undivided attention. He’s so considerate and he always makes sure I’m happy. However, he has a tendency to flake on me and he’s not that good at making plans or returning texts or phone calls. Also, he seems to always want to do things on his terms (i.e. go to his restaurants, hang out at his apartment, watch movies he wants to watch). Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy and I like being with him, but I feel like when we’re apart he forgets I exist and I’m worried about his lack of flexibility. What can I do to make him be attentive all the time, not just when we’re sitting right next to each other?

Yours,
Forget Me Not

Dear Forget Me Not,

This is typical behavior for a guy with no attention span. When he’s around you, he gets excited and he’s ALL about you. But when you’re apart, he’s probably distracted by his buddies or laying on the couch doing nothing. The thing to remember in these types of situations is that actions speak louder than words. Do his actions make you think he cares for you? Are you comfortable with how he prioritizes his time? If you feel that overall he makes an effort to see you and that you are as high a priority as his friends are, then I’d say he’s worth your time and effort. If you notice that he tends to prioritize his friends over you, then it’s time to move on.

As far as the inflexibility goes, this may just be your perception. Perhaps you have to be a little more assertive with making plans. Test him by saying something like “I got us tickets to see Susan Sarandon in ‘The Vagina Monologues” [see video below caution: Vagina used extensively] and see what he does (sidenote: don’t actually take a guy to see that unless you’ve been dating for a few months. Awkward!). Maybe he’s always defining the terms of what you two do because you don’t offer suggestions. Rather than trying to figure out if he likes you or not, you should try and determine whether he’s making you happy. If spending time with him makes up for his lack of attentiveness, then keep him around. If you find yourself agonizing, and waiting by the phone is not worth the few great moments you share, then toss him like last years Manolos. 

This weeks mantra: If he’s making you miserable, why keep him around?

Kisses,
Orlando

Eve Ensler [not Susan Sarandon] performing an excerpt from “The Vagina Monologues”